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A month left to go!

March 29th, 2017 Leave a comment Go to comments

You may or may not know by now that about a month ago, with about 8 weeks to go until the move, I injured my knee. I dislocated it at the gym, and in the process, tore a ligament and fractured a bone. I want to be really honest and say this is the point that I wanted to give up. So badly.

In the last 6 months I’ve faced an overwhelming amount of doubt, discouragement, worry, fear, confusion, rejection, resentment, frustration, anxiety, and uncertainty surrounding the decision to go. Just when I thought I had cleared every hurdle, I lost my ability to walk by doing some silly cross fit routine at the gym. It was recommended that I have surgery. I spent two weeks on my couch. Just me and my bible and all my resentment, my anger, and my issues God told me I couldn’t take with me if I wanted to go. It was a humbling and challenging time. Besides, that, it was so confusing. Was God shutting the door on this to me? Was it a trial to overcome? Or a denial on His part? It was so tempting to put the trip off – just for a while, to some undetermined date in the future, after I had surgery and healed up. In the midst of this, I actually gave up and decided not to go at one point.

Luckily, this decision was short lived. I heard the Lord speak to me:

The trip wasn’t going to be impossible, it was just going to be harder. These were not tests I was facing, but opportunities. Opportunities to decide if this was what I really wanted more than anything. Missionary work brings great personal rewards, but also great personal sacrifice. Was I prepared for them? Was I willing to sacrifice the presence of my family in my life for a year? Having a relationship? My career? My comfort? My routine? The safety of my daughter? My friends?

The the list was long. And the reality is I’m not sure I want to sacrifice any of those things. But I am sure of this: God sacrificed so much more for me. If this is His plan for my life, I have to trust that it will be worth it. Even if my journey to Thailand were to end before I got there, every struggle so far would still have been worth it.

…But I’m not ready to give up just yet. I want more. I want to serve Him more. I want to know Him more. And I want others to know Him too. Even though I’m not capable of tackling Thailand in my own strength now, I am so excited to see how He uses this to demonstrate His own.

I am so grateful to the army of people who have been praying for me during this time. If you are one of them, thank you! It has made all the difference.

”     So don’t be afraid. I am here, with you;
        don’t be dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you, help you.
        I am here with My right hand to make right and to hold you up.   “

Isaiah 41:10 The Voice (VOICE)

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  1. Kip Cady
    April 18th, 2017 at 21:05 | #1

    Monika: I am not sure how I happened on to you and this site….a link on Facebook led me here, I think. I was thinking of you and your daughter this weekend as I hiked with a Mien friend at Brandy Creek Falls. At age 6, she fled communist Laos to Thailand on a month-long journey through jungle and wilderness, often walking at night, ducking from communist soldiers, mourning the loss of her mother who died on the journey and finally reaching Thailand. She persevered as her courageous father, who escaped from prison, led the way, and has a happy life now in Cali. She said she was reminded of her journey by the rushing Brandy Creek, and related her story. Always, always there are obstacles on the way to our goals. I think they are a currency to get where we want and need to go. Left you a donation. Good luck and have an enriching and giving time!!

  2. Monika
    April 25th, 2017 at 16:38 | #2

    However you got here, I’m glad. Thanks for stopping by. That’s an incredible story about your Mien friend. She sounds incredible. I appreciate your words of wisdom Kip, and also the donation. I’ll be excited to see where your adventures take you this year!! Till next time.

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